Jesus Christ Fallon

Who the fuck is in charge of this new "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon" fiasco?

I know that when you read that opening line you might think that I seriously hate Conan O'Brien's successor at Late Night--Jimmy Fallon. You would be right in that assumption but my hatred as always is a mixed bag of nuts. Actually, more like a bag of peanut M&M's because my hatred is colorful as opposed to differently shaped. Anyway, this show is seriously worrying me. I want Jimmy to succeed. As much as I think he is unfunny and not a good fit at all it would be nice if I could sit and watch the show without cringing. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Michael Scott from "The Office" had his own talk show? Well "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon" is that show. And in case you don't believe me just watch his first interview with ROBERT DeNIRO and see what happens. I mean his fucking announcer guy, Higgins, even kinda looks like Dwight Schrute. Here is the whole show, watch at your own will.

Now, don't get me wrong. It's not that I think Jimmy can't be funny or that he won't be funny, but for the past two episodes he has not been funny. Is it the writing of the show? Yes. Is it the bad, recycled sketches? Yes. Is it the fact that the Roots are his house band and somehow this show has managed to make the ROOTS as boring as a house band? Yes. Now all of these things can easily be amended and even made to work in time. I mean it's not like every bit and joke Conan did on his show was hilarious or even the most original thing ever. But do you know what made up for all of that stuff in the past? A funny host.

Jimmy obviously knows that he has somehow been blessed by the hands of God and is getting an enormous opportunity. Probably even bigger than Lorne gave Conan back in 94' because Conan was never really interested in hosting so if it ruined his career so what? He was still an Emmy winning writer well before he got Letterman's chair. If Jimmy continues to look like a dead fish out there and be blaringly uninteresting then he is fucked for life. Luckily, the saving grace last night was Tina Fey who can be funnier than Jimmy on her worst day--let's hope the show's bookers can keep doing an awesome job.

I hope that in the coming days Jimmy starts drinking heavily. I hope that maybe he gets addicted to some kind of awesome drug, maybe cocaine or huffing gasoline. He needs all the help he can get if he is going to have to be interesting five nights a week. If he is going to actually loosen up on stage and not deliver every line as if he is reading very slowly from a big white card then he really needs to get his act together. And in my honest opinion I think the best way to funny your dumbass up Jimmy, would be to slip some bourbon in that empty coffee mug on your desk. I'm sure it would serve more of a purpose than that pointless MacBook you've got on there. What the fuck is that for anyway? Are you updating your facebook between commercials so you don't have to keep talking to Bon Jovi about hair conditioner? Actually, thats probably the smartest thing you've done, because at the moment all you are is our shitty economies answer to a good late night host re: someone GE can pay less than they pay the NBC Pages.