Diary of a Bad Movie

Many of you may have been told by various friends that you claim to have that Diary of a Mad Black Woman is a good movie. These friends are dumb. This movie is a perfect example of what writer/actor Tyler Perry should never do--make movies. This movie is as confused as it is a sorry attempt to be something worth your money. Note that I say the movie was confused not me or any of the other viewers in the theater. It was completely evident what was going on in the movie, the only problem was that there were too many things going on at once.

It starts out with the "mad black woman" getting kicked out of her house by her rich abusive lawyer husband. Then she cries a lot, because she's an idiot and didn't see it coming. So she ends up at her grandmother's house who is as sassy as black women in movie's come. She is in fact the writer of the film Tyler Perry in very bad make-up, but we don't know that. Perry also plays another more forgettable role in the movie of some dude who's wife is a crack-whore, and this wife was friends with our main character. OK so it ties in the the main plot, barely, from here it is a roller coaster ride of emotion and drama. Which translates to Perry trying very hard to be Eddie Murphy who has perfected playing multiple roles in such masterpieces such as Coming to America. (And I do of course acknowledge Mr. Murphy foibles of late i.e. Meet Dave, Pluto Nash etc...but at least he has something good to his name). The only difference between the two is that you get angry whenever Perry is on screen. His character's have no charisma and are as flat as an Olson twin's chest.

The point is that it's all been done before. We've seen the surly old grandmother done much better in other movies like The Nutty Professor. So far we have two separate plot lines, there are about 10 more. Each of them take up about 15 -20 minutes of the movie, the director blows ass at pacing so it comes out as just a big cluster-f**k. The movie would have made sense if the different stages of this lady's evolution into a self-actualized woman was presented in a more concise fashion. Maybe perhaps as one movie instead of 5 smashed together.

Anyway, next we get her falling in love with Shamar Moore, who I'm told is a hottie but he looked like an assbag in this movie if you ask me. Briefly, between this all too touching love story, we go back to her no-account ex-husband fighting a big murder case. His client, a drug dealer and all around mean dude, alludes to a bunch of crap from his past about drugs yadda yadda her husband gets served in the courtroom when he looses the case and the drug dealer shoot his ass. Now this is a big problem. Our "mad black woman" has just been proposed to by Mr. Ugly a.k.a. Shemar Moore and all she can do is think about her douche bag ex-husband who beat her. Then what next? How about a revenge story where she beats and starves her ex-husband who is cripple and in a wheelchair...excellent. And yes this actaully happened in the movie. This part of the film was funny because she went psycho and beat him with a wiffle ball bat, which as we all know hurts like a tickle.

Thought it was over? NOPE there's more. Now is the part where her mother comes back and makes her realize her faith--yup GOD. For the rest of the movie, about thirty minutes worth it turns into an all out Godfest. The crackwhore sister comes back from rehab and reunites with her kids in the culminating event of the movie where we find out that when in church everyone can sing like Aretha. Yup, there is huge church sing-along where douche bag husband of crack-whore's daughter sings like a 30 year old woman and everyone is just so happy loving God and all that crap. After sucking some holy cross for a while she realizes that all of her revenge is not the christian thing to do and she must forgive her cripple husband. The she realizes she loves Shemar and they go off and get married. The End. This movie was more hard to believe than the plot to a Michael Bay movie. From her getting tossed out of her house by her husband to the church sing-along/Godfest this movie is, to use the parlance of our times "whack" from start to finish. So if you're thinking about seeing this movie don't. Instead watch 20 minutes of five or six different movies--trust me, its the same thing.